Recently, I some close friends of my mother visited our home. They started chatting about the recent election results and what will come from them. It made me realize just how helpless and hopeless people are. I fear that we will make zero progress over the next couple of centuries. It hurts to say but there's no direction. Everyone is filled with soo much hatred. How can you be a minority and think giving the oppressor permission to dehumanize a demographic of your minority simple because they are gay? That is sooo hateful and self centered.
It makes me wonder why there are people in this world that are okay with the suffering of some if it means the happiness of their own. How could we allow such behavior to exist on earth? How are we soo okay with being hateful and violent towards out fellow humans? They aren't doing anything wrong. People direct their hate towards groups of people who have never dine anything wrong and take their attention away from those who actively hurt others. There's so much talk against LGBT rights but zero efforts to stop pedophiles and rapists from wiggling their way into schools, churches, hospitals, etc...
I am so sad and disappointed with the world we live in. We live on such a beautiful planet. Surrounding by constant life. But we take the opportunity to hate. You are blessed with life and you use it to hate others and advocate for the dehumanization and destruction of those beneath you. You punch down at every opportunity. You turn your back towards those who need your help most. You are selfish and self serving. Most do not care for anyone besides themselves. These are the people we must share such a beautiful planet with. Monster and Traitors. Those who stand by and allow said acts to take place are just as monstrous.
What makes me most upset is the fact that there is nothing I can do. I cannot change the world. I cannot convert those who submit to hatred away from it. I cannot convince them to love others and be sensitive and kinds to others. People are just easily swayed into hatred and destruction. I suppose hating is easier than loving. I can't do anything. There's nothing I can do. I try to help but it seems everything I do is futile. Maybe I am just bad at giving advice.. or perhaps I am simply just naive. Maybe I love too much. Maybe I am too caring. Maybe I have too much faith in others. Maybe my aversion towards selfishness is a bad thing... I care for others so much that it hurts me. I spent all 21 years of my life caring for others and putting others before me.
It made me happy to care unconditionally about others. I had no incentive for my love and care. I loved everyone.. even those who have wronged me several times. I have hung onto people who have wronged me. I give many several chances because in my heart.. I felt that maybe they just needed to be heard. Everytime I've ever been mistreated, I saw it as a cry for help of some kind. I knew that most people don't act this way. Most people aren't abusive. People learn these mannerism through others... and most abusers become abusers because they were abused or they grew up watching an abuser. I used to have a partner who would be emotionally and verbally abusive to me. He had been in and out of adoption centers and whenever he would be adopted, his foster parents would harm him.
I knew that his behavior was a result of that. Despite the constant abuse I would suffer at the hands of him, I felt that maybe... just maybe... I could lend him my ear and support... and that would make him feel better. I felt that perhaps he just needed unconditional love and support. But, of course, this never helped. You see, some people cannot be helped and despite me acknowledging this... I still have struggles understanding this to this day... I always enjoyed helping others and making others comfortable and happy even if it meant that I had to suffer. I never really got this treatment in return.. but that never mattered to me... because I just wanted to help.
As time goes on, though. This starts to take a toll. Going years and years helping others but never receiving help hurts. Though, I try not to isolate myself. Sometimes, i can not help it. Throughout my life I've built a fear of others. I am scared of other people. I have seen what humans are capable of. How violent they can be. How hateful they can be.. How evil, cold, and uncaring they can be... It's scary. This conversation between my mother and her friends, reminded me of how hateful people can be. How complacent some are in the face of others' suffering. They'd rather stand by and watch others be dehumanized and attacked... then be brave and help. They are afraid of being rejected. They listen to their friends talk about how gay people do not deserve rights... how women do not deserve rights... how racism is okay... but they never speak up against them... because they are scared of rejection.. scared of "losing connections"... cowards.
Nothing of value is lost when you put a racist down. Nothing of value is lost when a misogynist decides to stop being your friend because God forbid you think women should be treated like human beings with thoughts, feelings, and desires. Nothing of value is lost because you lost a friend due to them believing that gay people deserve to be treated like subhumans. I do not understand the fear. I care more about the lives of innocents than I do about preserving a friendship built on hatred. I do not tolerate hatred. I will not shake hands with those who dedicate their lives to hating others. They are evil and monstrous people who are not deserving of my attention or compassion.
All of this makes me feel so hopeless. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help. I don't know if I can help. I'm not even sure if change is possible... I will still show kindness to others and try my best. But I am not sure if we will ever make any progress in this world. So many people are being lead down the path of hatred and many can't be convinced otherwise. I feel very sorry for them. All I can do, is continue to love and care for other unconditionally and hope that the world will become slightly more loving. But there's a slim chance of that happening...
