Perverts, Freaks, Jojifuku, and Weirdness.

 

     Something that I notice recently on the web is the fact that people will do anything to avoid being true to themselves. They would rather have a fake facade than to just be real and own their personalities and interests... 

    I saw a tiktok video where a girl was showing off a Super Sonico figurine and it was a figurine of her as a baby with white frosting dripping from her face... She also showed the other Super Sonico figurines that she owned. Someone decided to question why she even owns the baby figure (since it is obviously a figure that was created to cater to lolicons) and she responded by saying that it was cute. Someone brought up that she has frosting on her face and that it is a sexually suggestive figurine. She then responded by saying, "It's just cake ^v^" .

    She then broke into a long tangent about how the oddly positioned white cake frosting on her face is definitely NOT supposed to be sexually suggestive (because as we all know... Japanese creators have NEVER put cake frosting on a character's face as a nod towards bukkake.... ever!) and she also justified her ownership of other Sonico figures as her "just being cute". My main issue with this is the fact that she won't just tell the truth and just say that she is a gooner and that she bought the figures because she finds them sexually appealing... She won't own her figures with her chest and will run to silly and nonsensical excuses as to why she owns them instead of simply telling the truth and saying, "I love scantily clad women, and I am a lolicon."

    I think I'd have more respect for these kinds of people if they just owned up to their perverted nature and told the truth... I recently went to the mall and bought an explicit Yuri manga as well as two scantily clad figurines (one of Lum.) and whenever people ask me about it, I tell the truth and I tell them that I bought it because I genuinely enjoy sexy scantily clad anime women, and I thought they were cute... I bought the manga because I love Yuri. I have no reason to lie. I feel like it's very silly to make excuses for this type of behavior because it just makes you look like a loser. 

    It reminds me of all the times people would come onto tiktok, show their collection of busty figures of scantily clad women, someone would asked them about it, and instead of just saying "I bought them because I love women" they say something like, "Oh, I just bought them because I wanted to fill my shelves, I don't actually like these kinds of figures.." or "I personally bought it just for the style, I don't actually condone or support lolicons or lewd figures" or some other stupid virtue signaly response. Just own it. If you're gonna be a pervert, freak, gooner, whatever... It's better to just own it and express your interests with your chest out than to hide with your tail between your legs...

    I see this in the people online who dress in the Jojifuku fashion style. There are a bunch of obvious lolicons and people with autopedophilia kinks who dress in this style and when you draw the line between them and it's slightly pedobaity origins, they come for you and insist that it's YOU who's the pedo, and not them.... y'know... the person who is actively participating in pedobaity behavior. Jojifuku is known for having pedobaity connections because it was consistently shown in adult photoshoots and photoshoots in which the target audience is obviously lolicons. Something that people often forget is that adult women can also appeal to pedophilies if they look the part. Some sick men know that being a pedo is wrong and so they get the closest thing. A barley legal teen or a woman who, in their opinion, closely resembles a young girl.

    However, most people who participate in this will insist that they aren't pedobaiting at all when they clearly are. They will make posts where they bring attention to how young they look (I'm a baby, "ppl say i look 12"), their small body measurements (mentioning how flat their chest is, mentioning how short they are), and even infantilizing themselves by comparing themselves to children or animals and undermining their intelligence and comparing it to the intelligence of an animal or child.....

    This style combined with this behavior is obvious pedobaiting. But if you say something about it, they'll play dumb and tell you that that's not what they're doing when... yes, that IS what they're doing. This fashion style has origins connected to pedophiles and that is something that needs to be acknowledged. These girls wear these clothes, infantilize themselves online to appeal to predators, and point fingers and play dumb when they're called out..

    Now, why not just say "I'm a lolicon and I love getting attention from fat pedophiles" with your chest? why hide behind excuses... There's no excuse for this kind of behavior. Just say, "i'm a lolicon." say "I'm an autopedophilie" say, "I love age play" Just tell the truth, let everyone know that you're a perverted freak, and leave it at that. No need to lie... because then you look even worse than you already do... 

    Unfortunately for you, there is no excuse for owning or participating in certain things... If you walk in on your uncle reading a porno magazine, you'd laugh at him for saying something like, "Oh, I'm just looking at this because I'm trying to study augh... anatomy! yeah, I just needed to see the naked body so I can draw them later...." (Your uncle does not draw. and has never shown an interest in art, ever...) So why should we not laugh and poke at these obvious perverts when they try to cover their ass.

    It's extremely embarrassing.... Anyways, I am planning to go to my local anime store to buy some more sexy figures myself... I may even make the next blog post about them and maybe I'll make another blog about the Yuri manga I'm reading since I'm almost done with all the currently available... The next volume drops in March. So, I'll just talk about everything up to the most recent volume!

    Anyways, bai baiiiiii ^v^

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I love pink polka dot

 

    There is a special place in my heart for pink polka dotted items. I've been obsessed with pink polka dot for some time, and I wish I could find more of it. It's extremely cute. It feels very cutesy. I also like red polka dot and blue polka dot.... and black polka dot... I just love polka dots. I bought a red polka dot tube shirt and a pair of red polka dot glasses to go with. It's really pretty. I'm not sure why polka dots make me so happy. It's a very "child-like" print, so I suppose it is my inner child feeling that way.

    Growing up, I owned a lot of red polka dot. I still have a hello kitty polka dot bedsheet from when I was a toddler. I yearn for this print. Next to pink floral on black patterns. I always buy clothing with polka dots on them... I am having a hard time looking for red socks with white polka dots on them... Which is extremely upsetting. But I'll find some eventually. I just have to keep looking. Hopefully, I can find some at my local mall.

    Polka dot makes me sooo happy that my mood has changed completely. I was extremely sad prior to writing this and now I'm feeling much better, Lmao. Perhaps the answer to all my problems in life is more polka dot.... and more trips to the mall LOL. I love going to the mall. Being in the mall is so rejuvenating. Seeing all the people, getting snacks, shopping, walking around, etc. I could never understand how anyone could dislike the mall. The mall is paradise to me. It's like everything I could ever want is all there in one spot. It's fun. Spooky during the Christmas season though....

    Anyways...............

    Sorry for being a debbie downer all the time. I realized all my blogs are mooody. I plan to get out soon (force myself out of the house...) and I want to take more pictures and make more blogs surrounding them. Unforch, I don't have a cord to transfer photos and so I have nothing to share for now... (darn.) I just love dumping my thoughts here... whether they're sad, silly, or positive.

Anyway, bai baii ^v^

  

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My disgusting social media addiction and the constant stream of misery and doom.

 As the year comes to a close soon, I wonder if I spent my time well. I told myself that I would do sooo much during the summer, fall, and early winter... but tbh, I hardly did any of it. I tried to find a reasoning as to why I just didn't feel the energy to do anything. Perhaps it was my diet, my environment, the stress, any many other things... all kinda stacked on top of each other. I think all of this really had an effect on me. I could barely do anything and honestly, I felt that I lost interest in the things that I was so interested in prior. It's like I got bored with everything that would typically entertain me. 

    I feel kinda awful for it. For wasting away for several months. I genuinely have no excuse for it. I can't even explain why.. because I don't know why. But despite all of that, there was still a lot of positive things that happened this year.... i got the clothes I wanted, I got cool figurines, i managed to get my funds handled, i got to talk to old friends, so on and so forth... so it's not all doom and gloom. I guess I'm just disappointed in myself. I'm upset with myself because I could have made this year greater for myself. But i didn't and i don't even know why. I don't know why doing things is so hard for me. 

     But then I kinda realized I wasted so much time doom scrolling that by the time I stopped scrolling for the day.... most of the day had already passed.......... my social media use is killing me.

    Social media has become a poison for me. It's extremely boring and It's like misery central. I go on there and immediately, I'm hit with something awful. I can't even escape the awfulness. It's everywhere and damn near unavoidable. Social media makes me feel miserable. And despite all this, I constantly return..... I think it is about time I quit most of them. It's always hard to quit things that you've basically gotten addicted to. It's extremely embarrassing to think about, but I used to be addicted to Pony Town. Despite how boring the game was... and how much I hated it.... I couldn't stop going onto the site. It made me want to like.. explode. It was awful. And I kept asking myself... why?? Why do we keep returning here when we don't even like this game anymore...? I had no answer ofc ^v^. I was just being dumb.

    Eventually, I had to pretty much cut myself off... cold turkey... and it was genuinely difficult. Ofc... I wasn't having withdrawals like more serious addictions.. but I did find myself trying to convince myself to return because, "what if something genuinely funny and exciting is happening this time?" but there was never anything there for me to see. I had used the same argument to justify returning over and over again the last few times and I eventually caught myself and told myself that there was literally nothing to see... no one to talk to.. nothing more to do here. So what am I really missing out on?

    I think the same thing occurs with social media.. I tell myself to quit in order to better my life, I convince myself that I'll miss out on so much if I quit, I abandon my attempts to quit, cycles continues. But... I genuinely need to stop. The content I always see online is making me miserable. I have even caught myself adopting harmful ideas because I was being fed a certain kind of content so frequently, it made me feel a certain way and thus respond with hatred. My social media use has slowly turned me into someone I am not. This is very frightening to me. I wholeheartedly believe that the reason why we are more divided and isolated than ever before is because of social media and the content we consume... 

    Everything is made to divide us and make us fight one another... Everything is curated to make us have this "Us vs Them" kind of mentality. It's very easy to adopt certain mindsets when you are stuck in violent echo chambers. The alt-right pipeline isn't the only pipeline in which people are lead to violence. It's how everyone is always one extreme or another. You're either with us or against us. I realized this is in a lot of the political movements I showed interest in. There was always so many extremes.. and never enough nuance and understanding that, things aren't ALWAYS absolute. Thinking in absolutes and extremes all the time is extremely dangerous.... and I know that from experience. 

    Being isolated from an internet filled with nothing but misery and negativity sounds like a dream to me. Even websites like pinterest has ruined something for me. I think, as of right now, the only websites I wanna use are bluesky and tumblr... and ofc this site because my blogs will be here ^v^. But I suppose that could be my New Years Resolution. Starting a slow journey away from the internet and significantly lowering my social media use... Eventually. I also really wanna delete my twitter account one day. I think the fact that even thinking about eliminating social media from my life just gives me this massive wave of peace and relief... it just shows that it's time I start cracking down...

    I also need to draw.. I suck at drawing but I also suck at practicing. I can't make any promises ofc....... I also need to stop cursing... it's unladylike and I kinda miss when I was able to speak and express myself without swearing. anyway... blog over.. bai bai

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Twitter Arguements Kinda Suck.

 

    I think people are kinda bad at online discussion.. Especially on Twitter. I find that whenever I witness any online discussion, it always involves one or more of these things:

1) Someone completely misinterprets what someone is saying and instead of taking a step back and acknowledging that they may have misunderstood what the other person said, they double down and continue to argue their point makes the argument more heated all because they are allergic to acknowledging their wrongs. 

2) Someone is extremely passive aggressive, using terms like: "hope this helps!", "so close! It's actually....", "[inset image of man standing in court or whatever] I don't think [goofy nothingburger] is [bad/good] actually.", "oh, that's not..", etc. Making them excruciatingly annoying to talk to.

3) Insane levels of unnecessary name calling.

4) Someone makes an insane accusation based on literally nothing but their own feelings (ie. calling someone a "racist", "pedophile", "classist", "ableist" etc.) without being able to accurately explain why or how the person they're arguing with is any of these..

5) Lying? No Source? Why?! Believe it or not, if you make an insane claim and you have zero proof for your claim, no one will believe you..They don't have facts.. People will keep dropping percentages without sources, mention articles without linking, quoting scholars and other people without proof (ex: "Didn't [Insert Creator] say/confirm [blank]?"), making very wide generalizations without having a foot to stand on... and so on and so forth. Also you can't just bring faulty proof to the discussion especially if you have sketchy websites as your proof.. It's kinda like how homophobic Touhou fans keep using a fake ZUN interview from an anime equivalent of the Onion to "prove" that ZUN actually hates gay people and doesn't want people to ship the game's female cast together. (yeah bc a game only filled with women def wouldn't have yuri fan works spawn from it...)

6) [THIS POINT WAS USELESS].

 7) Rejecting the words from those more educated than themselves.. "Scientists don't know everything!" It's safe to say that the people who spent several decades learning about this stuff and doing research would probably know wayy more about Autism, DID, Tourette's, etc than some 15 yr old kokichi kinnie on Twitter does...??

8) Not understanding that two things can be true at the same time...also not understanding that two things can be WRONG at the same time..

9) Bad Faith arguing. Bringing up an unrelated stuff or purposely misconstruing your words... or forcing you to argue silly semantics.. Example:

Person A: The sky is blue.

Person B: No, the sky is orange.

Person A: Ugh? No, the sky is blue...? Not orange.

Person B: What about when the sun sets? Huh? What then.....?? Isn't the sky orange then???

Person B probably already understands that Person A wasn't including special cases in their original statement. But because Person B is annoying, stupid, and they love arguing.. they will force this silly back and forth to spawn when it should go without saying that MOST of the time, the sky is blue and the sky is only orange during the sunset or during the sunrise... Don't respond to these type of people. They are dumb.

10) Uhhh... Someone going out of their way to disagree just because they can??? Like, they'll just argue a point no one thought about or cares about so they're just taking up talking space to say absolutely nothing. example:

Person A:  I don't think people should adopt black cats just for decoration during Halloween.

Person B: I understand but I think you should understand that some people don't adopt black cats during Halloween for decoration, some people adopt black cats during Halloween simply because they want to.

?????? As you can see, Person B is literally just spouting stuff that no one asked for and is just talking for the sake of doing so. Normal people adopting black cats during Halloween for no reason other than just wanting a cat obviously aren't a problem.... So why mention it?  

11) People not understanding that their personal experiences doesn't take away from another person's experience... If someone tells you that they don't like going on boat cruises because they get sea sick, and you respond with, "Well I've been on several boat cruises and I'VE never been seas sick.." I think the person you're talking to deserves to have the rights to blow your head off right in that moment..... WHO CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR EXPERIENCE??? You never having seas sickness doesn't take away from the fact that they have sea sickness whenever they go on boat cruises... 

....all in all Twitter arguments are lame and stupid and I hate going back and forth with anyone on Twitter.  I'm sure there are a bunch of annoying things I'm missing but I can't think of them and I just ordered some chicken tenders and they're on the wayyyyy :D

 Ciaoooooo!!!

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Motivation and Confidence..

 Recently, I've been struggling to find a consistent form of motivation and confidence. This has been something that I've been thinking about for the past month and I feel I should spill it all out somewhere. I am very bad at articulating my thoughts and so I apologize if this blog is in anyway incomprehensible or difficult to understand. I also deeply apologize if there are any typos. I have severe dyslexia, which makes it harder for me to identify small errors in my own writings. I am also a firm believer of the idea that if you let all of your feelings out, they become easier to understand. So, that is what I am doing here. 

    There are a lot of thing I want to do. I want to draw. I want to animate. I want to sing, dance, write, sew, cosplay, workout, code, etc... I have a long list of hobbies I want to spend time investing into. However, It has gotten to a point where I feel I have too many ambitions and too many goals. This is one of the things that I feel has crushed my motivation. There are so many goals, that I feel I may never be able to achieve any of them. It's like if 10 people were talking to you at the same time, you probably wouldn't be able to understand a single thing any of them were saying. 

    In turn, it has crushed my confidence as well. I feel bad when I think I can not excel at the things I'm interested in. It makes me feel as though I can't achieve anything. Part of this is envy. I realized recently that I am surrounded by very talented people and when I look within myself and ask myself what I'M good at... I can't find anything. A lot of the people I know and talk to are artists and animators of some kind and I find myself wishing I could be more like them. I've been beating myself up a lot about this. I feel it's tanked my mood for the past few months actually. 

    I'm sure many people can relate, but I spend a lot of time observing the lives of those who are the same age as me. I see how talented and successful they are. They have people who look up to them and they have people who praise them for their talent and work. I wish I had that as well... But I try not to let fame and praise be my motivation. I could spend years and years getting better at art or makeup..only to get a fraction of the attention other people get daily. I think this has a lot to do with my fondness for praise. I like being told that I'm doing a good job...even if it is with mundane tasks like washing dishes or finishing homework. 

    Another major part is just general confidence in myself. I've never been the nicest to myself. In fact, there's not a single human on earth that I hate more than myself. Therefore, this hatred extends to the things I create. This hinders my ability to make progress on newer hobbies... I recently just started drawing more often and I am completely new to art. I barely know how to shade or highlight....or even draw a perfect oval. I am like a newborn baby when to comes to art. Every sketch a produce, I typically dislike. It's gotten to a point where every time I draw anything, I eventually delete it... Which is really bad. I find it hard to look back on old projects.. Every time I look at old art, edits, writings, etc.. It's like a gag in disgust. I can't even use it to reflect and improve because I can't stomach looking at them long enough to make note of any improvements.

    I am deathly afraid of failure. I dislike when things do not come out the way I want them to. However, I am aware that they are not supposed to. I am a beginner artist, so of course my sketches look awful... But I can not apply this. Actually, I recently had a drawing session with a very close friend of mine and as I made small progress on the drawing, I documented everything by sending a picture of almost every addition to my sketch. However, it got to a point where I stopped myself and I started having really strong feelings of self doubt...and a lick of embarrassment. I do not like allowing people to see me at my absolute worst but I feel like me not being good at something IS my absolute worst..? 

      I feel I'll never be able to love myself or my work enough to post anything.. or enough to progress and that scares me. I want to get better and I want to create things but I feel I am in a constant loop and I can not crawl out. I feel like I now have to live up to expectations that I fear I'll never be able to achieve. I don't know IF or WHEN I'll become an artist, a singer, a designer, a sprite animator, or even pretty. It will be a long process... and I feel horrible about that. I may not have anything to show for a very long time and I feel guilty for that. I will continue to work on myself and my skills however I can and hope that one day, I'll be the person I want to be. 

     I feel whenever I share my plans with people.. I give them high expectations. I am not a very...talented person and so I don't like getting people's hopes high. I try my best all the time and every day. But I can not promise anything extraordinary or impressive. With all that being said... I will close this blog post. I promise, this will be the last depressing blog...for a while, hopefully. My next blog will probably be about online crushes (In a positive light, of course. Trying to be more positive.)  I sincerely apologize for having the first update blog since like... January (?) be one with a very sad tone. I promise I'll make the next one really cute and funny to compensate. Anyways, Goodbye :3

 

 

 

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Why are ppl sooo mean nowadays..?

___〆(・∀・)
- hellooo it's meee! and umm... i guess this blog will just be about how i dislike mean ppl lol

In the past couple of years i noticed that there is just a huge influx of like... really mean people. it's as if being mean is seen as some kind of trend or something that people deem funny or cool. people often seek out those who they deem "weird" and assign them "person of the month" to hate and make fun of all the time. i think people are just soooo obsessed with getting the "perfect" gotcha on someone so they can screenshot it and tell the internet how much they "totally pwned!1!" some rando on the web.(￣ω￣;) i think its such loser behavior and i have no clue why we normalized this kind of shit.

It's especially sinister and gross when the internet picks a random autistic person to bully and harass for several weeks simply because they have interests or mannerisms that are "unusual" by their standards. or even worse, when they choose a random child to dunk on for months at a time. i never understood the hatred for kids being kids online. everytime there's a viral video of a kid having fun and being a little cringe there will always be thousands and thousands of comments making fun of them and saying horrible things like "muhh we shuld bring bak bullyinnnggg hurr duur" (￣_￣)・・・like huh? how much of a loser do you have to be to say that a child..expressing pure happiness and joy for something they like makes them deserving of being harshly ridiculed..

Not only that, i realized this comes to adults too. i think a lot of people have this idea that adults are supposed to be miserable people who cannot laugh or have fun or be silly. a video of an adult woman goes viral and shes just being silly and enjoying life and everyone in the comments will be sooooo annoying and miserable about it.... saying things like "ughhh shouldnt u be doing ur taxes." or "lol at ur big ageee lolll" like omg shut uppppppp!ヽ( `д´*)ノ people are just sooo miserable and mean. these people are sooooo unsatisfied with their pathetic boring unhappy lives that they feel they MUST drag others down with them and make this sad too... its sick!

I always try to be positive and happy and in turn, make sure others are happy too.. i dont know why people are so anti-kindness and anti-fun.. people HATE fun and they HATE when people are happy. it's really sad... just how angry people get when others are being kind too..(｡╯︵╰｡) there's so many tweets on that damn silly bird app of people saying "um maybe being nice and kind and considerate of others' feelings is actually cool and should be encouraged." and a bunch of mean heartless goblins will shit up the quote retweets and comment sections with posts like "ughhh yall just need to be less sensitive..", "maybe ppl should grow thicker skin" or "nobody owes anyone kindness." blah blah blah all i'm hearing is ">:((( ima  heartless loser who gets off to other people's misery because how fucking DARE someone be happy and content with their lives when IM not happy or content with mine?!? HMPH! (＃`Д´)"  

 It costs zero dollars, pesos, yen, krone, euros, rupees, etc... to just be kind, understanding, considerate, and patient with others. it doesn't hurt to just be kind. a lot of people have a "well if no one (one person they bumped into while ordering a sandwich at subway (￢_￢;) ) is nice to me then why should i be nice to anyone?" or "grrr humans are disgusting creatures they deserve NOTHING" (ouchh the edge..) the one not so nice response you received from one stranger should not be the reasoning behind your refusal to treat others as human being with feelings and emotions. every person you meet whether in person or online is a human being with thoughts, feelings, emotions, ambitions, goals, etc... treat them as if they are another you. (⇀‸↼‶)

I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate someone bumping into you and not saying "im sorry" or "excuse me" when they do. you wouldn't appreciate someone refusing to say thank you when you worked hard for them or went out of your way to do something for them. you wouldn't like it if someone told you that you looked ugly, smelled bad, sound annoying, etc.. so why do you think that it is appropriate to do or say these things to others? (＠_＠) when you are mean and rude to others it speaks very loudly about your own character and life. only those who truly hate themselves and their own lives would go out of their way to be rude and distasteful to others. people who are good...and live fulfilling and genuine lives full of love and care.. it is obvious. you can see it in them. how they treat others, how they talk, how they go through life. 

Treat others the way you wish to be treated. don't be that one guy everyone hates and excludes because they're are hugggeeee buzzkill who makes people feel bad for having fun and dancing. people go to clubs with their friends and laugh and make fun of them for dancing on the dance flooor...can you believe that? people being laughed at for dancing..at a club..?  (-_-;)・・・

how silly.. ( ´ ∀ ` )

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happy doll'oween!!

 hello everynyan!! happy halloween! i'm a little sad today because i didn't get to do much for halloween and i really wish i could have. it is just wayy too cold outside.. i kinda predicted this though. in fact earlier this year i hoped that it wouldn't be this cold outside on halloween day but unfortunately, it feels like a winter night out there! :( but that is okay. there is always a next time ^~^ anyways.. i have a huge math exam tomorrow and im really nervous.. math isnt really my strong suit and i've done pretty average in math ever since i was a kid.. i kinda just hope that i can get a least a B or higher. college is really hard.. well at least for math. all my other classes couldn't be any more easier.. not that im complaining about having easy classes... this is the best outcome. as for my math exam.. i will do my absolute best and try as hard as i can. in this world the only thing you can really give is your absolute best and if you try hard and you fall short or things dont really turn out that great.. that is okay. because at least you gave it your all and that is all that matters <3 ciao

 

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